Remember
by Leoceu
Summary: He had to fight, all his life, for this, for this moment Jared/Jensen (oneshot)


**T**he time passes, it passed before Jensen could even see it, it always passes that fast, without him noticing.

Before he saw it, he had become someone else, someone he did not wish to be.

And the big question to everyone, to him, was if it was worth it at all. Did he fight for this emptiness that he was now feeling? Did he really give his all just to feel nothing and lonely?

He just wish for the deepness of his heart that at least someone remember him exactly how he used to be, how he used to be with Jared. That Jared, most of all, remembered him as he was before becoming this cold shell of what used to be himself. Somehow he doubts it.

He wanted to stand up and do something, something to show how he was regretting every step he did, every argument and every misspelled word he had thrown at Jared face. He wanted to beg for forgiveness, but somehow he knew that wasn't nearly enough at all.

He couldn't do anything anymore. Not even starting over he could, it wasn't that simple, it was just too late for him, and for everything he once thought he didn't want, there was just not time enough now.

The moment he had pushed Jared away, It was the moment that he had lost everything it mattered. And now? What did he have now? Nothing at all, just an empty heart.

He had to fight, all his life, for this, for this moment, for this light and this crowed that applauded every time he said a word, every time he smiled. He really gives his all, and now what he had left was just a fake smile, a fake life, a fake wife and fake happiness, and he couldn't do it anymore, he had reached the point that he saw no point at all in anything he did anymore.

It didn't matter, if they wanted him or not, if they laugh or shout, they could leave him standing talking and speaking to no one that he would no longer care.

The piece of metal he was holding, the little man that represents all his sacrifices and choices, the 3 piece of man that showed just how good he had become, didn't mean a good man, or person, or friend, and far from a good lover, it just represents a good liar, actor, and the scumbag who did everything to smash other in his way, a cold duchbag, the same that he once used to hate so much.

There was no one to guide him anymore, to tell him what was right or wrong, now everyone is listening to him, and there was no one to tell him what to do, no one to give him devices like he needed. There was someone missing, someone to make fun of him and make him laugh, someone that was there for him when he was down and happy when he was happy. Someone who showed him the way, Jared was missing. And only after 10 years was he is realizing what he had been trying to ignore for so long. Only when he was so tired of the spotlight, when he had been blind from it, was he starting to realize that that, wasn't the light he needed in his life. He needed another light or together. He needed Jared. No one else.

That was no longer a choice; it had stopped to be when he slammed the door to that person.

He thanked his award to the crowd who could care less if he was happy or not, to the crowd who only loved him for what he wasn't. He left the stage, to go and sit beside his wife, gave her a dry kiss on the forehead and a small smile that show her just how much he didn't want to give her anything close to even a look. She smiled back whit eyes that showed that she felt the same. And the crowd? The crowd just applause, some more, in the end that was why they were there for, people who wanted the award, but weren't even nominated, people who were jealous for losing what they thought that they deserved, and people who just wanted to be you and despise you all the same. That was the world he had fought for. For what? He wasn't so sure anymore.

In the end all of them left in their limousines, in the big cars, in their fancy dresses and jewels that cost them more than the kings and queens used to wear. Jensen felt someone hitting his waist, his wife way to silence told him to smile and wave before reaching their own car, whit their own cover. Normally he would, but not today, not anymore, he was done, he no longer cared.

"Jensen"

That made him stop. Not because of the call itself, god knew how much the fans outside the door that weren't out loud to enter were shouting his name like their lives depended on it. No, it was the voice, the voice that he only heard in memories and sometimes in dreams if he was lucky.

He looked around, and there it was, Jared, his Jared, looking right at him, right in the middle of the crowd trying not to die smashed by them, shouting Jensen name once more whit a small relieved smile when realizing Jensen was looking at him.

He didn't believe his eyes, 10 years he hadn't saw that face, 10 years of not hearing that voice, 10 years wondering where Jared had been, what he had chosen, and why he had given up on acting, 10 years, and there it was, Jared in the flesh, not beside him, not inside with the fake and good looking people, no, just outside in the crowed, with the fans, like he had never been an actor at all, like he never had the same dream as Jensen.

"Jensen"

Jared said once more, like he was sure that Jensen was going to turn away had pretended he didn't see him. Who was he kidding, 5 years ago, he would have done it. Flashes were going off; people were giving them more attention, trying to see who Jensen had stopped to look at.

He didn't know what Jared was doing there, what he wanted, he was just too out of breath all of a sudden. Hundreds of times he had thought about what he would say if he saw Jared again, hundred times and he couldn't figure out what to say, and now that he had the change, he just left his wife in the middle of the carpet, went to the fans were Jared was giving his all to stay in the front, and the words left His mouth before he even thought about it.

"I'm so fucking sorry… Will you forgive me?"

And he means it every damn word like he never did in his entire life. Jared was just as good looking as he had been 10 years ago, time had been kind to him, is hair had still the bags he loved so much, Jared was a bit red and his face was shining with a bit of sweet for the heat of the crowed, He gave Jensen a sad small smile and said in a whisper that couldn't be hear be the fan girls who were shouting over each other, but Jensen heard it all the same, because Jensen always heard Jared even when he just didn't let out a sound.

"Don't I always?"

It didn't sound like a question at all. Jensen was standing clue on the ground, a knot in His throw showing all the emotion that he was feeling, he finally gave the step that would probably change his life forever, the easier step he ever took and erased the distance between them, hugging Jared whit all he had, he didn't care that some fans were trying to touch him, he didn't care when some girl shout "He's crying" He didn't care that he was. The only thing that was boarding him was the bar that was in the middle of them, still spearing that small inch. When Jared hugs back, he let his head rest on the blade of Jared neck, and he could smell the candy, the Sun, it smelled like Jared, like home. He knew he probably was causing a scene, probably was wetting Jared clothes and neck, but he couldn't bring himself to care that much.

Then Jared whispered in his heart in a hot breath

"Jensen… Jen don't forget… Please remember"

It was said whit just softens and love that Jensen doubted that Jared was talking about His career, about his fame or wife or fans. No, he was talking about happier times, were Jensen was happy, really happy, but was to fool to notice. Where Jensen was still a bit confused, but knew exactly who he was, now not so much. But he knew he would remember it soon enough.

He had to remember, to start a new fight, to start a new life, no one said it would be easy, no one said he had made the right choices, but he could make it, could change, he couldn't lose this again, he couldn't lose Jared, he couldn't lose himself.

Jared, him, to remember, to life, to be, yeah, that's worth fighting for.


End file.
